Putting My Life in His Hands...

So...long time no see! Needless to say, I have not been on top of my game as far as posting this last week.

I don't know what it was. I just lost all kinds of motivation. I missed the last week of my 30 Day Photo Challenge, I haven't wanted to post anything, and I sort of jumped the wagon as far as weight loss goes, resulting in my gain of 2+lbs this week. I am recommitting myself to it all though! 

I realized today while at church that I have been learning a great lesson over the last little bit of my life. In Relief Society, we were talking about tithing, and a sister subject of that, of course, is Faith. Our Relief Society President asked us to define faith without using the scriptural definition. (Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Heb. 11:1) Many women said faith is putting your trust in the Lord. I wrote in my notebook, "Faith: Putting my life in God's hands and trust that He will direct it in a way that it is meant to be and what is best for me." As I sat there, I've realized that I've been blessed the last month or so to greatly increase my faith in Heavenly Father and His plan for me. 

I was visiting with a sister from my old ward. She wanted to see me to let me know how proud she was of the choices I had made concerning my last relationship. She mentioned to me that by receiving and acting upon revelation given to me from my Heavenly Father, I showed him that He could trust me to do those things he asks of me. Another sister in my ward told me that she knew that there were great blessings in my future for listening to the Spirit. I know this is true for anyone. Though it can be a scary, and sometimes painful, thing to do, when we get direction from our Lord we need to let go of what we want and give ourselves wholly to the will of Our Father. 

I found a link on Facebook (of all places! Click here to follow the page it was on. A note, the picture is theirs as well) that I really loved! This picture had a caption that read, "And finally, when you are compelled to give up something or when things that are dear to you are withdrawn from you, know that this is your lesson to be learned right now. But know also that, as you are learning this lesson, God wants to give you something better." This really touched my heart. I definitely feel like I've had some opportunities that I would not have had if I had stayed the course and gotten married. And I would not have ended up as happy in the end as I will by listening to the father. Another quote mentioned in RS today was, "When we turn our will over to Him, He will make more of us than we could make of ourselves."

I cannot wait for the blessings Heavenly Father has in store for me. I also testify that if you try like I am to listen to the whisperings of the Spirit and do what it prompts you to do, you can find a joy and peace in your life beyond anything people can give you.

--Lexi Lou

P.S. By the way, guess who is getting their patriarchal blessing next week?! WOOT WOOT!! The blessings just keep pouring out... 

30 Day Photo Challenge: Day 18 and 19

Whoops!! Darn, I missed again! That's alright though. Two days isn't too bad...

Day 18: A picture of your biggest insecurity...

Obviously, with my current weight loss goal, my biggest insecurity is my biggest part of me. My gut. The rest of my body (besides my second biggest insecurity, my double chin) is pretty shapely. My legs are killer, my arms are slender. Its just my belly. I'm both grateful and upset by this. I am glad that its only my stomach that looks gross. However, if my fat was spread all over my body, I might look thinner than I do now. 

This worries me more than just my looks though. Its a sign of diabetes to carry all your weight on your stomach. I've considered going in to get checked, but I want to get my weight under control on my own before I do that.

Day 19: A picture of a letter(like a letter you receive in the mail)...

I've taken the names and places off of this picture. This is one I'm going to be sending soon. I don't really get much mail besides ads... So... yeah.

--Lexi Lou

30 Day Photo Challenge: Day 7,8,9

Whoops... surprising how fast two days can slip right by you. I don't know why I didn't get to it Thursday. Yesterday, though, was my little sister's birthday. She is such a cutie! She just turned five. I spent all day yesterday running errands and cleaning the house for her little family party. By the end of the day when I could have time to blog I was so tired!

Anyways, so I'll just put three days in one. I'm sure those of you who aren't a huge fan of this picture challenge won't mind. 

Day 7: A picture of your most treasured item...

Ok, so I don't really treasure items. This one was kind of hard to think of at first. If we're talking about the item I miss the most though, its my iPod!! Its been lost for almost a week now, and I feel so deprived without it. This week has made me realize how addicted to it I really was. I still catch myself reaching for it every once in a while, and it really sucks once I remember its gone. I have a pretty good idea where its disappeared to...my mess of a bedroom. So I probably won't find it until I've cleaned my room. It was my plan to clean it this last week, but my sister and I just haven't been motivated. Maybe this is what I need to actually get it done. 

Day 8: A picture that makes you laugh...

Ok, first I have to explain some things. For those of you who don't waste your entire life on the internet or have friends/family/kids who do, you probably don't know what a meme is. Basically its pictures (or sometimes animated pictures) that are either: 1. quirky/funny, 2. pathetic things that fill you with vicarious despair, or 3. really gross pictures that result in shock laughter. (Click here for Urban Dictionary's definition of it, but be aware that the language is not very clean.) There are certain faces or pictures that have come to mean something specific. The picture I'm going to be sharing has a face named "Forever Alone Guy". This guy is crying because he thinks he will never find anyone to love or even be friends with. He hacks himself on Facebook, falls in love with everyone that gives him even a little attention, and despises people who have what he never will. Ergo...this picture...

OH MY GOSH! This picture makes me laugh so so much! I think this is so hilarious! Apart from Forever Alone Guy, I think this is the best prank ever! I'm fine with a little PDA, but if you are openly making out in public you deserve to have this happen to you. I think if I saw this in real life I would fall to the ground laughing. 

 Day 9: A picture of someone who has gotten you through the most...

Now to a serious note. I love my Savior, Jesus Christ. I love my family and friends, and they have always been there for me. However, they can't feel what I have felt. Christ has, and I know I can turn to him when no one else understands. Christ is always there, waiting with open arms for me to fall into. Whether I need help, or comfort, or just the knowledge that someone is always watching out for me, He is there. These last few weeks (almost a month now) have been really hard for me in some ways. But I'm surviving it. I'm actually really okay. People keep asking me if I am, or walking around me on eggshells because they think I'm not, but I am. I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are on my side, and they are proud of me for the decisions I have made. And that's all that really matters. (Of course, support from others doesn't hurt, and I am grateful to those individuals who have been there for me. THANK YOU!)

I know that Jesus Christ loves me and every other person on this earth. He sacrificed His life for us... Not collectively, but separately for every single person who has ever lived. If you were the only one coming to Earth, He still would have done what he did. He loves us that much! And I know that if you reach out to Him, you will feel His love.

"For all this his anger is not turned away, but his hand is stretched out still."

2 Nephi 20:4

--Lexi Lou

The Heart Bender: Life's Suckiest Roller Coaster

I feel like I've been on the craziest of roller coasters since the break up. One minute I feel like I'm having tons of fun with my family, just laughing and not thinking about it. Then the next minute I feel super down. I feel like I have to be super-aware of everything I or anyone else says or I might get caught off guard and burst into tears.
I went to a restaurant with my parents that was one of our favorite haunts. Every time the door opened I felt my head whipping to it to see if he was going to be the one coming through the door. Which is stupid, since he moved and there is one much closer to his house.
When we went shopping, I noticed a few guys that I thought were pretty cute. When I was checking them out, I almost felt guilty. GUILTY?! I'm a single lady, I can check out whomever I want.
My mind is starting to revert back to my old, boy crazy self...but I feel like part of me is still resisting the change back. I know I'm going to need time to really get over my ex, but I just wish I could make the time move faster. I just want to get out there and have some crazy fun with random guys, but sometimes I feel like I'm cheating just thinking about it. Its driving me crazy!!
Both of the blessings I received during the last two weeks of my relationship mentioned having patience. I really feel like I need to develop that. I realize its going to be hard to go from getting ready to spend the rest of my life with someone to getting back on the dating scene. Realizing its going to be hard doesn't make it any easier though. I will definitely need the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost to comfort me and help me know that better days will come eventually.
To try to make myself forget about it all, I've been making a new man list. This list is qualities and skills my ideal future husband would have. Of course, there are silly ones that I'd be willing to compromise on. For instance, I'll melt for pretty much anyone with red hair and blue eyes, but that doesn't necessarily mean he has to be a ginger. But there are some that I'm determined he will have, or no deal. Maybe I'll have to post the list one of these days.
Also, I've been having to remind myself constantly of all the reasons I broke up with my ex. He texted me the other day and told me he still wanted to get back together and that if I would want to he still wants to marry me. That really shook my resolve, since I'd already been having a hard day. I do miss him, but I am trying to be firm. Reminding myself of the negative side of the relationship, though a bit depressing, is helping me remain steadfast.
But besides all this drama, I've had a pretty amazing time. I feel like I've still got it, and I know once I'm ready to start dating again I can get the best kind of man. I have been talking to friends again, and I went out for my favorite food (SUSHI IS THE BEST!!!) with my grandma. I'm looking for work and getting prepared for college again in the fall.
If there's one thing this has all taught me is that my family is the best one out there! I love my parents and siblings so so so so so so much! My sister especially stood up for me, but told me that whatever I decided to do she'd support me. Everyone has been there for me when I needed a hug or an encouraging word. I love them! I am so grateful that I get to spend the rest of eternity with them as my closest friends.

--Lexi Lou