30 Day Photo Challenge: Day 17

Day 17 : A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently...

This is a special post, seeing as its Father's Day. During my break up, I got two father's blessings. The first one was mostly one of comfort. I was told to be patient. During my second one was when I realized what I needed to do. 

I am so grateful for my dad! I am so thankful that he lives in such a way that he is worthy of his priesthood and can give me a blessing whenever I need one. I love him so much! 

Happy Father's Day everyone!! But what are you doing on the internet? Go spend time with those special guys that raised you!

--Lexi Lou

The Heart Bender: Life's Suckiest Roller Coaster

I feel like I've been on the craziest of roller coasters since the break up. One minute I feel like I'm having tons of fun with my family, just laughing and not thinking about it. Then the next minute I feel super down. I feel like I have to be super-aware of everything I or anyone else says or I might get caught off guard and burst into tears.
I went to a restaurant with my parents that was one of our favorite haunts. Every time the door opened I felt my head whipping to it to see if he was going to be the one coming through the door. Which is stupid, since he moved and there is one much closer to his house.
When we went shopping, I noticed a few guys that I thought were pretty cute. When I was checking them out, I almost felt guilty. GUILTY?! I'm a single lady, I can check out whomever I want.
My mind is starting to revert back to my old, boy crazy self...but I feel like part of me is still resisting the change back. I know I'm going to need time to really get over my ex, but I just wish I could make the time move faster. I just want to get out there and have some crazy fun with random guys, but sometimes I feel like I'm cheating just thinking about it. Its driving me crazy!!
Both of the blessings I received during the last two weeks of my relationship mentioned having patience. I really feel like I need to develop that. I realize its going to be hard to go from getting ready to spend the rest of my life with someone to getting back on the dating scene. Realizing its going to be hard doesn't make it any easier though. I will definitely need the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost to comfort me and help me know that better days will come eventually.
To try to make myself forget about it all, I've been making a new man list. This list is qualities and skills my ideal future husband would have. Of course, there are silly ones that I'd be willing to compromise on. For instance, I'll melt for pretty much anyone with red hair and blue eyes, but that doesn't necessarily mean he has to be a ginger. But there are some that I'm determined he will have, or no deal. Maybe I'll have to post the list one of these days.
Also, I've been having to remind myself constantly of all the reasons I broke up with my ex. He texted me the other day and told me he still wanted to get back together and that if I would want to he still wants to marry me. That really shook my resolve, since I'd already been having a hard day. I do miss him, but I am trying to be firm. Reminding myself of the negative side of the relationship, though a bit depressing, is helping me remain steadfast.
But besides all this drama, I've had a pretty amazing time. I feel like I've still got it, and I know once I'm ready to start dating again I can get the best kind of man. I have been talking to friends again, and I went out for my favorite food (SUSHI IS THE BEST!!!) with my grandma. I'm looking for work and getting prepared for college again in the fall.
If there's one thing this has all taught me is that my family is the best one out there! I love my parents and siblings so so so so so so much! My sister especially stood up for me, but told me that whatever I decided to do she'd support me. Everyone has been there for me when I needed a hug or an encouraging word. I love them! I am so grateful that I get to spend the rest of eternity with them as my closest friends.

--Lexi Lou

Wow, Back to Blogging?

Today it seems like everyone has a blog. I had one years ago...but looking back at it, I have banished to the black abyss of deleted Internet files. It was mostly about boys I liked and my "interesting" life as a fifteen year old. Nope! I don't want to relive any of that, and I'm sure the people of the Internet wouldn't either. 

A little about myself. I am nineteen years old, and just off on summer vacation from my freshman year of school. I know, the title says I am a college student. I thought I should probably start my blog during the summer and make a habit of it before I start school. I went away for college my last two semesters, but I've opted to stay closer to home this time. Part of that is due to the homesickness I felt at school. The rest of it, I'll explain in a bit. I am an Education major. I can't wait to be an elementary school teacher! I had planned to be a high school teacher and major in either Theater or English, but through an internship for my education class last semester I have found my real passion is with younger students. This summer the thing I've missed most about school (besides all those friends I made and then had to leave, of course) are those cute kids! 

I am a writer! I have tried writing so many times in the past, but I think I've found a story I can stick to. Right before school ended I went to a writing conference that really inspired me. I feel like this is my time! Also, by writing this blog, I'll be in the mood to write more often. And any writing is better than none if I get stuck in my novel. My biggest dream is that I can write a book that will become a classic and make my name known long after I am gone. I want to reach out and touch lives, even if its only to entertain them.

I am a faithful member of my faith. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I love Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ! I know God listens to and answers my prayers. I have a strong testimony of the Book of Mormon, and God's other scriptures. I know we have a prophet on earth today, and he receives revelations from God for His children on Earth. I love the church and the strength it gives me. I am so grateful for Christ's atonement. Through him I can repent and return to live with my eternal family someday. I cannot wait for the day that I can be sealed for time and all eternity to the love of my life.  

I am a hopeless romantic! I always have been. I remember having my first "boyfriend" in kindergarten. I made him push me and all my friends on the swings under threat of breaking up with him, and I chased him down and kissed him. Sadly, up until some minor romance in high school and a little in college, that had been the most play I'd gotten in my life. Then I met the man of my dreams...or so I thought. 

I had known this man before he left for an LDS mission, but we hadn't been very close friends. Then one weekend when I was visiting my family last November he asked me out on a date. The date was the best I'd ever been on! A week later he visited me at school (driving 100+ miles to see me) and we became "official". One week later we said we loved each other. Four weeks after that we were engaged. And six months after we started officially dating, I broke up with him. 

This was quite recently, actually, and I'm still struggling to get over it. I really loved him, and I wanted nothing more than to be his wife. But something happened that opened my eyes. He was unable to take me to the temple, and tried to push me to marry him civilly. I loved him, and wanted to marry him, but that was not what I wanted. This opened my eyes to some other problems in our relationship, and through a lot of prayer and a few priesthood blessings (so grateful that I live in a home where I have a dad who is willing to give me a blessing whenever I need one!) I came to the realization that we shouldn't be getting married. I wanted to wait for him to realize this, but one day he kind of steered the conversation in that direction, and I ended up breaking up with him. I still feel like I love him, but the confirmation from the Spirit was a message from God. I know that I'm doing the right thing, and that it will be better for the both of us in the long run.

Okay, so I guess my first life lesson is... WAIT! A lot of people get caught up in love, though I don't think anyone would do what I did unless they knew it was absolutely 100% right for them. What I learned from this was that when I find the man I am meant to marry, I am going to date him for a long while, and then make sure our engagement is a short one. I want to make absolutely sure that he is the right one, and not get surprised when the going gets tough. 

Thanks for reading I guess? I hope I haven't already bored you. Now, my posts probably won't run as long as this one every time I post, and they probably won't be as heavily toned. I'll be trying to post at least weekly. 

--Lexi Lou